Why I Don’t Want My Children to Be Exceptional

Every parent is told to want the same thing: exceptional children.

High achievers. Leaders. Standouts. Children who excel, compete, and rise above the rest. This aspiration is rarely questioned. To want anything less feels like settling.

I no longer want exceptional children.

Exceptionalism demands constant comparison. It trains children to measure their worth against others. Success becomes fragile, because it relies on staying ahead. Failure becomes catastrophic, because it threatens identity.

We rarely discuss the cost of this mindset. Anxiety becomes normal. Rest feels conditional. Joy is deferred until the next milestone is reached. Children learn early that being average is something to apologise for.

I want my children to be content, ethical, and grounded. I want them to understand that their value does not fluctuate with performance. I want them to be curious without being consumed by competition.

This feels quietly radical in a culture obsessed with optimisation.

I see parents exhausted by schedules designed to maximise advantage. Tutors, clubs, enrichment programmes. Childhood becomes a project to manage rather than a life to experience. The language of opportunity masks a deeper fear: that without constant striving, our children will fall behind.

Behind what, exactly?

I am choosing a different measure of success. Not exceptional lives, but sufficient ones. Lives with room for boredom, failure, and kindness. Lives where worth is not earned through output.

This choice is not loud. It will not be rewarded. But it feels honest.